Tell Em Why You Mad...

Um so yea, 4 am, not sleeping, bored and lonely. I think I'll have some milk and then try and sleep. I'm missing the hubz somethin fierce tho : (

The United States of America as it is today, prides itself on being the best. Even though we've fallen on hard economic times, we still want the best of everything. The biggest houses, the latest technology, the best music, most phenomenal movies, biggest flat screens, best colleges, best military...the list goes on.

So why, when it comes to the most important thing in the world, the biggest and most important decision to determine the course for America, do we choose to settle for mediocrity? Why, all of a sudden, is averageness and regularity a desirable attribute for the leader of the free world? Would any of us settle for a "so so" blackberry? Would we be dying to try that "pretty ok" 2 star restaurant. And who, if they had the option, wud pick GW over Harvard?

So please explain 2 me why the American people want so badly, a president they can just share a cold beer with, a president who "dont have no faanncccy edumacation", a vp who wudnt even pick up the GW Hatchet every once in a blue. The ability 2 give birth does not qualify you 2 be in the white house. Being a mother doesn't have anything 2 do with how smart you are or how experienced you are in foreign policy. Why are people so fucking impressed that Palin is a hockey mom and a working mother?? Shit, if thats the case than MY mother shud run for president! She'd be more qualified seeing as how she has a degree in international affairs and an MBA, is a college professor AND got 4 kids.

I'm sorry to make this so long, but I'm just so frustrated that this election is even a question. The polls shouldn't even be this close. When i was growing up my parents used 2 tell me, "nothing in this world will be given 2 you for free. Especially because you're black, and especially because you're a woman, you will have to work twice as hard as the white person next 2 you, 2 achieve the same success. Dont be bitter about it, just accept it and use that to motivate you". Barack Obama is the best and the brightest politician ( white, black, blue whatever) that most of us have ever seen. Yet America STILL wants to make things twice as hard for him, simply because hes black.

Dont u want someone smarter than you, someone who has more wisdom and knowledge? Someone who has a better GPA then you, someone who can raise their kids better then you can? Shudnt we entrust the nuclear codes to someone who has better judgment, morals, ethics, intelligence, and decision making skills then the average American? John Mccain and Sarah Palin aren't the worst people in the world, they aren't the dumbest( well, maybe Sarah is), and they aren't the most inexperienced, but ask yourself... ARE THEY THE BEST? The answer is no.

"Yea, its a great thing to be happy, but its so fucking hard"

I try so hard to be happy. I try so hard 2 be a good person. But i havent seen an ounce of the benefit in it. I feel as though ive earned my right to be happy, to be loved. But it just isnt happening that way. In fact, ive never felt so alone. Ive never felt so unloved, so not cared about. It makes me just wanna give up. Im so tired of trying. Its really starting to take a toll on me, its like i dont no wats wat anymore. I know it sounds pathetic, but every1 has needs, and when im in a relationship i need a certain amount of love, care, and affection. Period, i just do. And im not getting it and i dont no why! Ive earned it, ive fought for this through everything and i still cant get wat i need. Its hard enuf 2 be happy as it is. I feel like crying all the time. Maybe i made a mistake, mabye this isnt wat i thought it was, and mabye its not gunna work. Ive tried so hard i really have, ive given it my all, but its just not enuf. This shit is draining me; i dont know how much longer i can let myself love him

Its interesting to me how the most ignorant people are the ones who think they know the most. That the people who know the least about themselves and operate in the most primal and childish of ways, are the ones who claim such self importance. Scurrying around, drowning in there own insecurity and self doubt. Like animals, ignorant of their own ignorance. Filthy and small minded. And as disgusted as i am by these types of people, i can help but feel bad for them. They repulse people. Trapped in a world of there own delusion and creation, they'll never escape their circumstances. These people flood the clubs searching for the slightest(regardless of how false) self validation from strangers lost in the same abyss. They hate themselves so much they r unable 2 love any1 else. Poison...

Im tryna run away from my past, get away from my old life, old friends. Its not the most noble thing 2 do, but today i realized its better than being stuck where u were always at. Life is about change and ive changed and grown so much from wat i was before. My better may not be every1 elses better but its wonderful 2 me. Change is necessary for growth, and theres nothing more pathetic and nauseating to me than seeing the same ol people doin the same shit in the same place. And those people try 2 suck u into the past, relive the old times, not realizing those times are dead and gone. The past is for making memories, now is for living life; new intresting, refreshing life. I never thought id be where i am now, living in dc, living this life. But thats the beauty of it, u never no where ull end up. Being stuck in the same place and in the same life, makes it impossible to grow as a person. you think the same act the same, your mind works in the same way. I cant live like that.

Love-
I was surrounded by my family today, all of us mourning the death of my aunt. And of all the emotions i felt so strongly today, the strongest was love. Thru all the pain, the tears, despair, and grief, I had never felt so much love from and for my family. They are so trusting, forgiving. Open armed unconditional love. I swear to you its the most powerful thing ive ever felt. They say love is the great motivator, and now i get why. Love is what i feel when my mother hugs me, what spills out of jamaals eyes when he looks at me, what i feel when my sister laughs. So small, and simple, yet beautiful at the same time. Like the way everyday before mal goes 2 work, he strokes my hair, pulls the covers up, and gives me a kiss. Love stays with you long after its gone, and when its real, doesnt fade even during the roughest times. Its like god, its every where, but you cant see it. you can only feel it and it feels so real.

Hatred-
Hate is a strong word, but for some people in this world, all i have are strong words. To be honest, i hate very few people. wat i hate are the things inside them, jealousy, greed, envy. the things that make my life, and the lives of the people i love that much harder. I hate disrespect and i hate how good guys always finish last. I hate weakness. People can be ugly, mean spirited, and angry individuals. The thing about hate is that its like a poison, it spreads and infects others with it, which is why im so angry even as i write this. Im struggling with some things in my life rite now, with people who try to hurt me and take away my happiness and i've been trying real hard to remain refined, act with class and dignity. But, im going 2 be honest, some of that hatred has infected me and i most certainly feel some type of way. I will beat the DOG SHIT out of any1 who has big enuf balls to fuck with me. If u have such audacity, some see me. Im being 100% serious. And please dont get it twisted, this is purely about respect. I live my life by the saying "treat others the way u want to be treated" so i always give respect, 2 every1, with the expectation that Ill get it back. I will no longer tolerate disrespect. And as i said previously, if u think im kidding, come see me. Hatred is very powerful and very dangerous, sobe careful.

Indifference-
Indifference is the opposite of the above 2. Both love and hate imply the presence of an emotion. There are people i love, those i hate, and those for which i feel absolutley no type of way. My goal is to get all of the people i hate in this category. As i sit here, i struggle to think of what 2 say about indifference because i feel nothing towards people like my father. So thats that : )